Magical childhood... A parents dream!

I wonder if the crucial basic tasks of feeding, clothing, protecting and educating children have not changed, then how come parenting seems to have become so hard today? What has not changed is that babies still need what babies need, but things outside the domestic sphere have changed for the parents. Abundant financial resources, expansion of material opportunities, plentiful choices and entertainment and a need of the child for immediate gratification are possibly the facts that are making child rearing seem burdensome!
That makes me wonder how much stress and pressure we take as parents to have that perfect birthday party for our little one, the perfect summer holiday, or simply the perfect play date? For example, let’s look back at our own birthdays versus the lavish birthdays of our little ones!
What I remember from my childhood is not the party pack, decoration on my birthdays, elaborate impeccably served fancy food, the hundreds of expensive gifts I received, but what I remember is running around in the backyard with my few best friends, bursting balloons, the delicious simple cake, sandwiches or Pav Bhaji that my mom cooked and everyone ate till they licked their fingers. There were no clowns, characters, planned games or more adults than children at the party. There were no themes and matching plates and decorations. There was simply loads of running around and playing games freely with my few best friends!
So why do we, new-age parents pressurize ourselves to create a grand production that will wow every adult who attends the party, if what a child really wants is lots of free play, a cake and their best friends? Are we ourselves increasing our child’s appetite for entertainment and grand productions?
Other than the few photographs I don’t remember much about the holiday we took when I was 5. What I do remember is holidaying at grandparents, playing in the garden in mud, story time, which was an everyday ritual or those special occasions like Diwali and birthdays—the only times when we got special gifts and clothes? Those were special and valued more than the expensive gifts, toys, clothes and parties, we as parents are giving almost round the year.
Since when did being good parents become spending on elaborate birthdays, making sure children’s rooms are decked to perfection, loads of branded toys, dressing them in trendy coordinated outfits? Did our parents, grandparents love their children any less by not doing all this? Or is it just financial ability, access to resources and parents will for that perfect looking child, child's room and children’s parties that give a pat on mothers back by the other adults who see all this?
More than any of these children today need exclusive time with their parents and an opportunity for free play, discovering play from everyday things. It has been rightly said, “It’s not what you do for your children, but what you taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings” – Ann Landers.
A fundamental skill parents can teach their children is self-control. But then, we as parents need to learn to follow that first. It’s a skill that allows one to get on with others, to focus and stick to tasks.
 There is a huge difference between focusing on being together and focusing on the construction of an activity for a child. While today’s parents, are more involved but the involvement seems to go overboard, more often than not on not-so important things.
It’s simply about keeping your phone away, keeping the newspaper/book down, switching off the TV and giving 100% attention to what your child is saying. Sit and read with your child every day and play outdoors with them.
It’s about exclusive time to listen and giving time for free play rather than assisted play with toys, arranged crafts and videos!
Planning elaborate events, daily crafts, expensive vacation isn’t harmful but if the desire to do so comes from pressure, “I can do better” attitude or think it’s a necessity then it’s time to re-evaluate because we can’t make childhood magical, it’s is inherently Magical!

How to make flight journey with your child easy!

I still can’t forget what all went through my mind, before my son’s first flight, which was at eight months! Before being a mother, I disliked every crying child on the flight, train or bus who didn’t let me sleep or rest on those tiring flights. With guilt, but got to admit I even blamed the parents at times for crying babies! 
But those feelings came right back, haunting me, when it was time for me to fly with my baby! Thankfully my son was great on his first flight  and still continues to be a great traveler at 4!  
Planning to take your little one on their first flight, then read along for some tips that helped me!
The first and foremost is -Mothers cannot panic, get anxious or stressed. Children pick on mother's feelings.
1) Choosing the right flight  – Based on my son’s routine, I find out the best time for the worst part of travel which means, I will try and book a flight, which takes off around either at the time of his noon nap or night sleep time whenever possible.  If you are standing in the security check queues, when it’s your child’s peak sleep time, then obviously he/she is going to be cranky and difficult to handle. 
Secondly, if you can, book a separate seat for the baby and carry a car seat with you that will make you mobile, plus mealtimes will be easier! You don’t want the baby continuously wriggling around on your lap, especially when you know how spacious most planes are! For babies you can book the bassinet in advance. Bassinets can be fitted only in the first row seats so you can imagine how quickly they get booked!

Planning to take your little one on their first flight, then read along for some tips that helped me!
The first and foremost is -Mothers cannot panic, get anxious or stressed. Children pick on mother's feelings.
1) Choosing the right flight  – Based on my son’s routine, I find out the best time for the worst part of travel which means, I will try and book a flight, which takes off around either at the time of his noon nap or night sleep time whenever possible.  If you are standing in the security check queues, when it’s your child’s peak sleep time, then obviously he/she is going to be cranky and difficult to handle. 
Secondly, if you can, book a separate seat for the baby and carry a car seat with you that will make you mobile, plus mealtimes will be easier! You don’t want the baby continuously wriggling around on your lap, especially when you know how spacious most planes are! For babies you can book the bassinet in advance. Bassinets can be fitted only in the first row seats so you can imagine how quickly they get booked!
2)  The travel goodie bag –Even when traveling with a toddler you can carry milk, juice, water in the handbag like you would do a baby bag. Sippy/straw cups or bottles are important. Do ensure your child sips either milk/water/juice (200ml straw packs are handy) while take off and landing to avoid ears popping (sucking on lollipops/chewing on soft nuts like raisins work too)  Pack easy to eat and their favourite snacks or meals in individual zip lock bags (so in case the content of one bag spill over, there are more).  Usually, kiddie meals (usually require to be booked in advance) on the flight are exciting for toddlers and contain a book, chocolate etc. at times. 
It’s ok to indulge your child with sweets. They work really well when things seem totally out of hand. (Remember to carry those chocolates that won’t melt in the hand easily. Stick to, small bite-sized chocolates that toddlers can put in their mouth at one go. )
With food items, carry dry snacks that will not make a mess, are bite-sized, packaged individually, and the child can keep nibbling on them. Carry lots of wipes along.
Avoid over feeding. In fact, it’s better they eat a bit less than usual during travel.  
3)  Exigencies – Throw ups - I always have a separate pouch created for throw up bags, which are kept most handy along with wet wipes! For me, this is most crucial! 
Medicines – Carry something like crocin and band aids on your handbag other than any usual medicines that anyways are required for your child. With some airlines, it is mandatory to have a doctor’s prescription with you in case you are carrying some medicines. Either check with the airline beforehand, or get your pediatrician to write a prescription. 
Change of clothes- You will surely need to pack a change of clothes for the baby, but remember to keep the change in the baby bag or your handbag. Also, carry a baby blanket or a wrap that the child is familiar with. It will help the child feel easy.  
Diapers -If your toddlers are using, diapers stick to the pant style ones. (Enough and extra) It’s much easier to change given the limited space you would have. And if you and your baby are not used to the pant-style ones, gets familiar with them atleast 15 days before the travel date. Carry lots of spare disposable bags too in which you can wrap and throw the diapers.
Footwear - Slip on shoes are best for the child and you. Makes life easy at security checks or clothes changes! Socks are essential as the A/C in the plane can sometimes be too cold for the infant.
4) Invest in an umbrella stroller - It’s much easier to fold and carry. It can be carried right till you board. Don’t make your child walk long airport stretches. 
5) Packing your bag strategically - By sticking your hand without looking, you should be able to get what you want! Choose a backpack rather than a shoulder bad as walking around is much easier with a backpack and your hands are free to attend to the baby.
The essential documents such as tickets, passports etc can be carried in a separate small sling bag, that you can wear across your torso.    

If your baby uses a pacifier ensure you keep not just 1-2 but a few of them. The plane floors are pretty dirty. It’s a good idea to carry toys that can be attached like you would on the car seat. It’s pretty tricky to fetch things fallen down!
6) A new toy/colouring/sticker book works wonders, especially if gift wrapped. It will keep them occupied at least for the first few hours.
ID-card of the baby: Carry an id-card with the baby’s details—name, parent name, flight number, destination, point of origin, phone number and address of the parents/grandparents/responsible adults in case travelling as a family, etc. We do not want to imagine a scenario of a lost child, but this is a small precaution you can take. Write down everything neatly on a card, laminate, and string it around the child’s neck.
7)  Pre-boarding – All airlines give first boarding privilege to those with children.
But my experience with a baby is best to get in last. It can be a challenge to entertain a baby in the seat for extra 30 minutes while others are settling in. At least at the boarding gate you can walk around and it’s not going to be as crowded and claustrophobic as in the plane before all are seated. If toddlers are not too excited to board fast it's best to get in last with them as well.  Remember to do a web check in to reduce pre travel time at the airport. If traveling alone with a child don’t shy away from asking help!
I have travelled sometimes alone and sometimes we as a family since my son was 2 ½ months. We have taken him on car drives a few hours away, overnight bus journeys to long flights to 6 different countries and he has sailed on a ship for 2 months at a stretch as well. At the age of 4 he is a seasoned traveler and now at times reminds me of things I could have missed.
“They are too young!” It’s too hard.” Believe me, these are just excuses. As moms, we are prone to over analyse and over think about our children.
Make sure you don’t make a big deal of the travel and the child will take it like a fish to the water!

I lost myself being a mother!

While I continue to search jobs and get back to the profession where I have put in 10 years,I can't stop living the moment and so my thoughts too!
I was a person with a career and a fair amount of ambition to succeed and was doing fairly well as well but that was before I became a mother 4 years back! It's taken really long for me to get out of that shell and even think about it and I am still working on it!

I wonder why in the last 3 years I have not taken any interest to stay in touch with my work through reading, learning etc. Even when I had the opportunity to make a choice to focus on something else - I was staring out a window or even worse reading what other people are doing on Facebook or watching TV! Anything other than being a mother -I couldn't do it!

Was I enjoying cooking and cleaning?? No!
It's not the guilt of being away from my son or isn't an issue of over control... I just didn't have to be the one always caring for our child and home... especially when I am not an overprotective mother!
Is it about finding some "Me time"?? No, not at all.... I get me time when my son is away at school... I get my opportunities for regular beauty parlour visits or shopping trips... I have a very supportive husband and can even get a night out with friends if I wanted! Then what is it??

It's partly because I have spent too much time thinking about my child and home... When should he sleep, eat. What should he eat? How should he behave... what things he should do etc...I chose my child and home over everything else, every time. Was it wrong? No, not at all!

And now after nearly 4 years of making that choice, day in and day out, there is nothing left of me. I am no longer that career oriented women I was few years back. There is nothing there but just motherhood and complacency that I am consumed in.I knew motherhood would change me, but I am too changed that I am unrecognizable to myself!

This sounds like I am in major suffering, but that's not the case! I am not saying how terrible it has been for me! Loving and being there for my son has been extremely satisfying. I have had the opportunity to spend more time with lot more people and even travel. But I am simply saying this is what it is like to feel lost! It's describing what I have become while I was being a mother!

The problem is to do largely with the society we live in, where we have only heard stories of how rewarding motherhood is and quitting work and being there for your child is such a right decision or not sending your child to a school early or not sending to a childcare is such a right decision.
So quitting work after a child is born comes naturally to most Indian women!

I wish I had someone to tell me the reality loud and clear! I wish earlier generations shared their stories more openly, encouraged living for oneself as well. 
I wish I had someone who would have pushed me to continue work in some way or the other at that stage! 
Given me the confidence to do something more than just being a mother! I wish husband’s take lead in this then just helping by supporting wives’ decisions.

Motherhood needs a deliberate, hard-won restraint. It is easy to fall into complacency and hide under the shroud of taking the decision for my child. The child and the husband also deserve a fuller and happier version of his/her, mother/wife for a better family life!

And so now the most difficult part! A task only I can do as a mother is to reclaim the focus and most importantly forge the will to get it back! To find that path where I can be myself, a place where I can contribute and win back myself!

To get back my urge to give myself and my needs importance when it's easily possible! Stop being complacent! You don't have to be a martyr to be a mom or a wife or any other role you play! 

A good way is to explore your creative side and start focusing on your health. Something you would never be able to otherwise. That’s the key to finding yourself!