While I continue to search jobs and get back to the profession where I have put in 10 years,I can't stop living the moment and so my thoughts too!
I was a person with a career and a fair amount of ambition to succeed and was doing fairly well as well but that was before I became a mother 4 years back! It's taken really long for me to get out of that shell and even think about it and I am still working on it!
I wonder why in the last 3 years I have not taken any interest to stay in touch with my work through reading, learning etc. Even when I had the opportunity to make a choice to focus on something else - I was staring out a window or even worse reading what other people are doing on Facebook or watching TV! Anything other than being a mother -I couldn't do it!
Was I enjoying cooking and cleaning?? No!
It's not the guilt of being away from my son or isn't an issue of over control... I just didn't have to be the one always caring for our child and home... especially when I am not an overprotective mother!
Is it about finding some "Me time"?? No, not at all.... I get me time when my son is away at school... I get my opportunities for regular beauty parlour visits or shopping trips... I have a very supportive husband and can even get a night out with friends if I wanted! Then what is it??
It's partly because I have spent too much time thinking about my child and home... When should he sleep, eat. What should he eat? How should he behave... what things he should do etc...I chose my child and home over everything else, every time. Was it wrong? No, not at all!
And now after nearly 4 years of making that choice, day in and day out, there is nothing left of me. I am no longer that career oriented women I was few years back. There is nothing there but just motherhood and complacency that I am consumed in.I knew motherhood would change me, but I am too changed that I am unrecognizable to myself!
This sounds like I am in major suffering, but that's not the case! I am not saying how terrible it has been for me! Loving and being there for my son has been extremely satisfying. I have had the opportunity to spend more time with lot more people and even travel. But I am simply saying this is what it is like to feel lost! It's describing what I have become while I was being a mother!
The problem is to do largely with the society we live in, where we have only heard stories of how rewarding motherhood is and quitting work and being there for your child is such a right decision or not sending your child to a school early or not sending to a childcare is such a right decision.
So quitting work after a child is born comes naturally to most Indian women!
I wish I had someone to tell me the reality loud and clear! I wish earlier generations shared their stories more openly, encouraged living for oneself as well.
I wish I had someone who would have pushed me to continue work in some way or the other at that stage!
Given me the confidence to do something more than just being a mother! I wish husband’s take lead in this then just helping by supporting wives’ decisions.
Motherhood needs a deliberate, hard-won restraint. It is easy to fall into complacency and hide under the shroud of taking the decision for my child. The child and the husband also deserve a fuller and happier version of his/her, mother/wife for a better family life!
And so now the most difficult part! A task only I can do as a mother is to reclaim the focus and most importantly forge the will to get it back! To find that path where I can be myself, a place where I can contribute and win back myself!
To get back my urge to give myself and my needs importance when it's easily possible! Stop being complacent! You don't have to be a martyr to be a mom or a wife or any other role you play!
A good way is to explore your creative side and start focusing on your health. Something you would never be able to otherwise. That’s the key to finding yourself!
I was a person with a career and a fair amount of ambition to succeed and was doing fairly well as well but that was before I became a mother 4 years back! It's taken really long for me to get out of that shell and even think about it and I am still working on it!
I wonder why in the last 3 years I have not taken any interest to stay in touch with my work through reading, learning etc. Even when I had the opportunity to make a choice to focus on something else - I was staring out a window or even worse reading what other people are doing on Facebook or watching TV! Anything other than being a mother -I couldn't do it!
Was I enjoying cooking and cleaning?? No!
It's not the guilt of being away from my son or isn't an issue of over control... I just didn't have to be the one always caring for our child and home... especially when I am not an overprotective mother!
Is it about finding some "Me time"?? No, not at all.... I get me time when my son is away at school... I get my opportunities for regular beauty parlour visits or shopping trips... I have a very supportive husband and can even get a night out with friends if I wanted! Then what is it??
It's partly because I have spent too much time thinking about my child and home... When should he sleep, eat. What should he eat? How should he behave... what things he should do etc...I chose my child and home over everything else, every time. Was it wrong? No, not at all!
And now after nearly 4 years of making that choice, day in and day out, there is nothing left of me. I am no longer that career oriented women I was few years back. There is nothing there but just motherhood and complacency that I am consumed in.I knew motherhood would change me, but I am too changed that I am unrecognizable to myself!
This sounds like I am in major suffering, but that's not the case! I am not saying how terrible it has been for me! Loving and being there for my son has been extremely satisfying. I have had the opportunity to spend more time with lot more people and even travel. But I am simply saying this is what it is like to feel lost! It's describing what I have become while I was being a mother!
The problem is to do largely with the society we live in, where we have only heard stories of how rewarding motherhood is and quitting work and being there for your child is such a right decision or not sending your child to a school early or not sending to a childcare is such a right decision.
So quitting work after a child is born comes naturally to most Indian women!
I wish I had someone to tell me the reality loud and clear! I wish earlier generations shared their stories more openly, encouraged living for oneself as well.
I wish I had someone who would have pushed me to continue work in some way or the other at that stage!
Given me the confidence to do something more than just being a mother! I wish husband’s take lead in this then just helping by supporting wives’ decisions.
Motherhood needs a deliberate, hard-won restraint. It is easy to fall into complacency and hide under the shroud of taking the decision for my child. The child and the husband also deserve a fuller and happier version of his/her, mother/wife for a better family life!
And so now the most difficult part! A task only I can do as a mother is to reclaim the focus and most importantly forge the will to get it back! To find that path where I can be myself, a place where I can contribute and win back myself!
To get back my urge to give myself and my needs importance when it's easily possible! Stop being complacent! You don't have to be a martyr to be a mom or a wife or any other role you play!
A good way is to explore your creative side and start focusing on your health. Something you would never be able to otherwise. That’s the key to finding yourself!
Very well written. I am sure almost all women who had a flourishing career before having a child would relate to this. But its never too late. Just have the determination and will power and I am sure there is no stopping!!!. All the best lady!
ReplyDeleteWell drafted!! I am sure many of us can relate to this. Keep writing, this must be just one of the creative aspect of your personality.. Cheers!!
ReplyDeleteWell drafted!! I am sure many of us can relate to this. Keep writing, this must be just one of the creative aspect of your personality.. Cheers!!
ReplyDelete